it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
