I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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