i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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