Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So squirting runs in the family.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
