Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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