Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
