Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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