My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
