I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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