You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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