I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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