Will you blow on my dice?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
