I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
