Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
