p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
