I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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