It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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