wrigley field is MILF paradise
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
