I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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