Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
