gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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