I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if only i could text you this smell
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
