Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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