oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
