I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My dick has a subreddit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
