all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
