In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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