Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
