I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This toilet bowl is my home.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
