did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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