New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
