I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They took my balls.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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