Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can vaginas get frostbite?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
