Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
