Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
