the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
