You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
