She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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