I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
