I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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