I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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