Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
