we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
