my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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