I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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