Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
