just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
