its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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