if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone came in the potted fern
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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