just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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