My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
