Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
